The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
