He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
