I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
