he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
