I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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