my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
