Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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