I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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