Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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