hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
