im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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