There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize