When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
