We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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