dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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