considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
