If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
