i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
