R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
