happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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