kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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