...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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