help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
