I just saw a hot homeless man
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
