What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize