what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
