remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
