i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
