so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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