i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
