I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
