Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
