i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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