the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
