Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
