i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
