Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
