i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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