Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
