Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
