the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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