Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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