Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
