it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
