when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
