I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
