I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize