I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
