Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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