i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
