You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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