....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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