...so i touched it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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