How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
