One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
