You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
