Cold hands, warm shart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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