The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
