The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
