Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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