Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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