margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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