So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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