After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?