I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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