Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Randomize
Follow @tfln