i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me