She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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