I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
me + whiskey = a bad person
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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