I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.