how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
