So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
