i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
