it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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