He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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