doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
