So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
