I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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